Homeless in the Woods: Week 1

*Updated* (with the usual edits and corrections)

Moved out of my temporary Winter quarters last Thursday and, after a failed attempt to find a safe place in the woods to camp within closer walking distance to downtown Montpelier than what I had for tenting out last year, finally managed to make camp in the woods much farther out than desirable and set up my tent just prior to dark setting in.

Due to pulling an all-nighter — my second within only a few days — the night before so I could finish packing, I was terribly exhausted, thus resulting in my being slower in everything I tried to do. In addition, certain things went undone as well.

With the help of an off-the-shelve sleeping aid and, despite considerable pain and discomfort, I managed to sleep relatively okay the first three nights.

However, although going to bed around 9:00 PM Sunday evening and, not wanting to take the sleeping aid night after night in a row and also because of some of the effects it seemed I may have been experiencing from it, I could not manage to get to sleep until 6:00 AM the next morning.

It had rained hard all evening as well as all Monday morning and did not seem to stop until around 2:00 PM or so. Yet this was not the only reason I could not sleep and it ended up being what I typically term as being a bad night, which is something I can experience on any given night, sometimes right out of the blue and other times because something has either upset or stimulated me in one fashion or another, setting my mind into overdrive.

Since I was so tired from a lack of sleep as well as lack of proper nutrition of late and with it raining so hard, I slept in until I could tell the rain had stopped.

Had to bail out some water that made its way into the tent and related problems caused by it.

Then I went into town for a couple of hours to run errands late in the afternoon, including for a quick birdbath, quickly check e-mail and grab my one meal of the day — other than having had a few of mini-Clif bars from a package of 18 bars I bought last Thursday.

When I got back to the tent last night I had some more mopping up to do, without what I really need to do so. It does not help that I have such poor camping or outdoor survival skills, knowledge or experience.

Overall I have been real tired and dragging, with my health not doing well, although I was experiencing some of the same to a certain degree when I was temporarily housed the previous eight (8) months too.

While these matters have made me feel rather desperate, as well as filling me with anxiety and causing further major depression and panic attacks at times, my continued attempts to find housing have thus far failed.

With no transportation available on Saturday due to it being July 4th and not much to do during the entire weekend, I managed to arrange to get inside for a three night stay indoors starting this coming Friday; particularly since it looks much of the next four months will be spent living houseless (aka homeless), with only my tent in the wood being the the place of last resort.

Suffice it to say that if I were to make the mistake to disclose to anyone specifically what else I was going through or experiencing and, how it made me feel and think at times relating to potential self-harm (i.e., one who is often prone to suicidal ideation on either a daily or episodic basis can easily be pushed there real quickly, particularly under rocky circumstances such as a lack of stable habitat, lack of proper nutrition or lack of enough restful sleep and even worse when it is a combination of any or all three*[1]), it could probably get me unwanted time in the state hospital or something else like that and just as bad; when much of what is really needed in my case is permanent housing along the lines of what would meet my needs and on terms acceptable to me, yet have not been able to manage to get there from here on my own either the past twelve (12) years or currently and that despite seeking assistance from those I feel safe or comfortable enough to do so from.

*[1: Ironically enough, when talking about bears and other creatures in the woods as well as concerns about having people come across me and my camp with intent to cause me or my property harm, someone generously offered me use of a handgun, however knowing how it either could too easily be used against me or used an excuse to harass me in some way, I declined; not to mention the potential of my using such on myself when in utter despair, which I have been struggling with both now and in years past of course. The person meant well, but had not thought it through, yet I had done so enough for the both of us in order to know better]

Sad to say, others have it much worse than myself and this does not make me feel any better, if anything it only makes things more depressing.

All that said, I do the best I am able at any given moment and, even when certain moments appear to be their darkest and bleakest, never ever give up hope, even and most especially when there is nothing to be hopeful about.

*Note*: made several edits and corrections for the purposes of clarification and readability; last updated on Wednesday, July 1, 2009 at 2:18 PM (ET).

latest musings: redux

*Updated 2x*

Last night having been exhausted from pulling an all-nighter Monday evening and, also recently not getting either enough or good quality rest or sleep, I was finding myself falling asleep and so after a late supper finally went to bed.

However severe leg muscle cramps managed to disturb my sleep, this time just in the left leg and, as usual, the calve. Yet I went back to sleep, although struggled to do so deeply or long enough, only receiving about five hours.

While only still half asleep, since I have been pondering about how I have six (6) weeks left as of today until I have to move out of my ‘Winter quarters’ and if I do not have permanent housing or anywhere else to land by then will end up living houseless (aka homeless) yet again, the following poem were among my latest musings redux (*update 1*: posted embedded video of poem being read aloud):

homeless sneakers

restless thoughts
toss and turn,
without end
deep within
mind, body and soul
whether day or night,
about once again
becoming homeless

knowing the only
place to then call
home 24/7, will be
one pair of badly
worn out sneakers,
long overdue
for replacement

truth be told
however, those foul
footwear are in much
better shape, than the person
who will be barely
surviving inside them

whose remedy
will not be found
just by a new pair,
but within an abode
of their own,
one providing a permanent
roof and shelter,
under which to live
more restfully instead.

by Morgan W. Brown
Montpelier, Vermont
Sunday, June 18, 2006

[Originally posted, here; Sunday, June 18, 2006]

Speaking of sneakers, those I have are badly in need of replacement once again, which actually should have been replaced last year, however I was not able to afford it at the time. In fact, besides sneakers and because they help with both comfort and lessening of heat stress, I also need to buy a new pair of sandals as well. Although I should be able to afford such either by the end of the month or early next month on my own.

In addition, I am also hoping to get my bicycle out of storage and get it fixed and tuned up in order to put it back on the road. It has been in need of a new chain among other things, which should have been replaced last year, but could not afford it then either, yet think I have enough funds on hand to do it now.

Speaking of bicycling, if you have not previously done so, read my article about such published within The Independent — a Vermont publication for elders and people with disabilities: Where The Rubber Meets The Road (via Vermont Center for Independent Living: VCIL).

*Update 2*: Bought my new pair of footwear up at the Berlin Mall today, a pair of size 12 4E New Balance sneakers on sale for $39.99, originally priced at $59.95.

It was worth it being able to buy a pair that had the extra width, rather than those with regular width — which are never an exact fit.

They are a comfortable pair and, it is great to finally be rid of the old worn out pair, especially since my feet, legs and back had long been hurting as a result wearing them.

*Note*: added an embed of video of poem being read aloud; added another update with photo; last updated on Tuesday, May 19, 2009 at 8:03 PM (ET).

Recent Advocacy Efforts

*Updated*

Read commentary I wrote during the wee hours of an all-night I pulled Saturday evening (March 28th), which relates to some of my recent advocacy efforts concerning mental health, homelessness and housing pertaining to Vermont and cross-posted on four different blogs, here (via Green Mountain Daily) as well as, here (via Beyond VSH blog), here (via Vermont Watch blog) and, here (via iBrattleboro).

*Update*: Video version posted online (via Seesmic):

*Note*: last updated on Friday, April 3, 2009 at 3:33 AM (EDT).

Watch 1st 4 Hours of 2009 Homelessness Marathon

fyi: Homelessness Marathon

The Homelessness Marathon is an annual 14-hour radio broadcast featuring the voices and stories of homeless people from around the United States The Homelessness Marathon features live call-ins all night long via a national toll-free number. The Homelessness Marathon is available for free to all non-commercial radio stations.

Videos via Freespeech TV (embedded via Blip TV):

Homelessness Marathon Part I

Jeremy Alderson, director of the Homelessness Marathon, talks with Sergeant David Spring, Dorothy McClender, Nora Bogunin, and Greg Lane about their personal stories with homelessness. The 12th Annual Homelessness Marathon originates from Pass Christian, Mississippi, just a few miles from “the other Ground Zero,” where Hurricane Katrina came ashore. The Homelessness Marathon is an annual 14-hour radio broadcast featuring the voices and stories of homeless people from around the United States The Homelessness Marathon features live call-ins all night long via a national toll-free number.

Homelessness Marathon Part II

Interview with Jeremy Alderson, director of the Homelessness Marathon.

Jeremy Alderson talks with Keith Burton, Editor of Gulf Coast News, Ray, Rev. Elijah Mitchell, and Ken Harris. [...]

Homelessness Marathon Part III

Interview with Kathleen Johnson, Director of Katrina Relief (Waveland)

Jeremy Alderson talks with Paul Joyce, Michael, Forrest Eubank, Phillip, and Mike. [...]

Homelessness Marathon Part IV

Interview with Jeremy Alderson, director of The Homlessness Marathon.

Jeremy Alderson talks with Jeremy Rosen, Director of National Policy. [...]

Dear Mr. President …

The Sunday Times Argus included my letter to President(-elect) Barack Obama, which was published within today’s edition, as follows (here; 3rd of 3 letters posted).

Sunday, January 18, 2009
Times Argus
[Barre - Montpelier, Vermont]
Opinion section
Perspective
Dear Mr. President
Vermonters offer their thoughts to Barack Obama

[photo and photo caption; omitted]

Published: January 18, 2009

The Times Argus and Rutland Herald invited readers to address an open letter to President-elect Barack Obama in advance of his historic inaugural. Here are some of the responses we received:

[...]

Congratulations on your election as our next president.

There is a dire need to address the longstanding affordable housing and homelessness crisis within our nation.

The National Housing Trust Fund might prove to be an empty promise and not enough to address the need, not only because, as I understand it, the program would not begin drawing down monies until around 2010 or so, but now that the funding source was dependent on a stream from Fannie Mae and Freddy Mac, and those programs are in peril and have basically been taken over by the government, it remains to be seen if the funding will be there for what is required for building and growing the trust fund. This is neither good nor soon enough to address the problems at hand, either in the short or long term.

It is crucial not to make the errors of previous administrations, as well as Congress, and allow these problems to continue to be ignored. Nor it is enough to simply throw money at it in the manner as has been the case thus far.

What is required to address homelessness among all those in need is affordable housing. Due to the serious need and also limited resources, considering everything else the government needs to address during this time of economic crisis, and not being able to do everything needed, what helps most in helping people get and stay housed is affordable housing, as well as offering a menu of “voluntary” supports (i.e., without strings attached). Homeless shelters and transitional housing are not what works best and are only poor Band-Aid solutions, ones which cost lots of money and help only relatively few people.

Affordable housing needs to be understood as a crucial infrastructure need within the local community, county, state and nation as important and vital as roads and bridges are to the economic engine and vitality of our communities, counties, states and nation.

It is also important to keep in mind there is a dire need in rural areas, as well, and not just in urban areas. In fact rural areas have been seriously neglected for far too long.

Instead of going to Mars or worrying about the space station or other such boondoggles, let us prioritize housing as a fundamental right rather than either a privilege of those who can most afford it or a limited entitlement with never enough to go around to meet the need.

Both training and putting people back to work in building and repairing existing housing, including making it energy-efficient in all regards, would help provide needed jobs as well as the housing many are in need of, including those most in need as well as those whose incomes make it tough if not impossible to own their own or even rent an affordable residence.

With all this in mind, it might be good to also consider newer and better means of housing, including building various types of housing along the lines of what is termed as Katrina cottages, depending on the housing needs and family size. This sort of housing would be more energy- and cost-efficient, as well as take up less land, etc.

Rather than depending on the type of huge apartment or housing complexes that either the private or public housing community have long relied on, which are usually very expensive as well, housing along the lines of the Katrina cottages in the mix would also help lend to homeownership options, particularly for those like myself who subsist on limited incomes and are Section 8 housing choice voucher eligible, if only there were the affordable housing available to use such a voucher with.

One last thought on the subject is that people who live or formerly have lived homeless are not the problem, we are part of the solution. Thus one of the things that need changing is for programs and providers to stop doing stuff to or for us and to instead work with us at all levels and stages, including by having those who are or formerly were living homeless to be at the table in an equal and full manner as experts as anyone else from planning to implementation, whether it be at the systemic level or during the process of a person seeking help to address their needs. We often know best what works and what does not, although we are not usually used to being included in meaningful ways, except maybe merely as tokens whose opinions and input are typically ignored or dismissed.

With everything else your new administration will be duly focused on, please do not forget those of us in serious need of real, affordable housing opportunities sooner rather than later.

Thank you in advance for any consideration given to these concerns.

Morgan W. Brown Montpelier

My Citizen’s Briefing Book Contribution

Address Affordable Housing & Homelessness Needs Sooner Rather Than Later (via Citizen’s Briefing Book; Change.gov).

Additional information, here and, here.

Ideas About How to Fix the Economy

*Updated* (with the usual edits)

Having revisited the Obama-Biden Transition Team Change.gov Website and, viewing the video of President-elect Barack Obama laying out key parts of the economic recovery plan (here), I followed the link for sending questions or ideas about how to fix the economy (here).

After viewing the short video featured on that page, I wrote and then submitted the following thoughts, insights, comments and ideas using the online submission form:

Re: Quickly and meaningfully work to address, both during the short-term as well as over the long-term, the dire affordable housing and homelessness crisis that has long plagued this nation over the last 30 years or so

There is a dire need to address the longstanding affordable housing and homelessness crisis within our nation.

The National Housing Trust Fund might prove to be an empty promise and not enough to address the need, not only because as I understand it the program would not begin drawing down monies until around 2010 or so, but now that the funding source was dependent on a stream from Fannie Mae and Freddy Mac and those programs are in peril and have basically been taken over by the government, it remains to be seen if the funding will be there for what is required for building and growing the trust fund. Even if it were, nothing would be coming from it until at least 2012 or later on. This is not either good or soon enough to address the problems at hand, either in the short or long term.

It is crucial not to make the make[errors] of previous administrations as well as Congress and allow the problems to continue to be ignored. Nor it is enough to simply throw money at it in the manner as has been the case thus far.

What is required to address homelessness among all those in need is affordable housing. Due to the serious need and also limited resources considering everything else the government needs to address during this time of economic crisis and not being able to do everything needed, what helps most in helping people get and stay housed is affordable housing as well as offering a menu of *voluntary* supports (without string[s] attached). Homeless shelters and transitional housing are not what works best and are only poor bandaid solutions, ones which cost lots of money and only help relatively few people.

Affordable housing needs to be understood as a crucial infrastructure need within the local community, county, state and nation as important and vital as roads and bridges to the economic engine and vitality of our communities, counties, states and nation.

It is also important to keep in mind there is a dire need in rural areas as well and not just in urban areas. In fact rural areas have been seriously neglected for far too long.

Instead of going to Mars or worrying about the space station or other such boondoggles as being above the housing needs of the citizens of our nation, let us prioritize housing as a fundamental right rather than either a privilege of those who can most afford it or a limited entitlement with never enough to meet the need.

In both training and putting people back to work in building and repairing existing housing, including making such energy efficient in all regards, this will help provide both needs[ed] jobs and the housing many are in need of, including both those most in need as well as those whose incomes make it tough if not impossible to own their own or even rent an affordable residence.

With all this in mind, it might be good to also consider newer and better means of housing, including building various types of [housing] along the lines of what is termed as Katrina Cottages depending on the housing needs and family size. This sort of housing would be more energy and cost efficient, as well as take up less land, etc.

Rather than depending on the type of huge apartment or housing complexes that either the private or public housing community have long relied on, which are usually very expensive as well, housing along the lines of the Katrina Cottages in the mix would also help lend to home ownership options, particularly for those like myself who subsist on limited incomes and are section 8 housing choice voucher eligible if only there was the affordable housing to use such a voucher and could use such a voucher toward a home ownership package.

With everything else the new administration is duly focused on, please do not forget those of us in serious need of real, affordable housing opportunities sooner rather than later.

One last thought on the subject is that people who live or formerly have lived homeless are not the problem, we are part of the solution. Thus one of the things that need changing is for programs to stop doing stuff to or for us and work with us at all levels and stages, including by having those who are or formerly were living homeless to be at the table in an equal and full manner as experts as anyone else from planning to implementation whether it be at the systemic level or during the process of a person seeking help to address their needs. We often know best what works and what does not, although we are not usually use to be[ing] included in meaningful ways, except maybe merely as tokens whose opinions and input is ignored.

Thank you in advance for any consideration given to these concerns.

Sincerely,

Morgan W. Brown
Montpelier, Vermont

If you have your own questions or ideas about how to fix the economy, make sure to submit them, here or, otherwise share your vision, here or, your story, here.

For those who might wonder if it would make any difference and matter to those within the new administration who will soon be taking power, it certainly cannot hurt to try, especially while they appear to be willing to listen and learn.

In addition, it certainly will not make a difference or matter if people do not try and share their concerns, stories, questions or ideas.

It is at least a place to start from, which is better than what usually happens, since people do not typically have any chance of being asked or heard about their concerns and ideas about their own government and the building of its agenda and policies.

fyi: National Housing Trust Fund (NHTF)

*Note*: made a couple of, mostly minor, edits for the purposes of clarification and readability; posted an embedded link to an informational page regarding the National Housing Trust Fund; last updated on Sunday, January 11, 2008 at 8:09 AM [ET].

Click Homeless

Click Homeless from Click Homeless on Vimeo.
fyi: Click Homeless:

[...] a network of homeless and non-homeless supporting needed perspectives on homelessness. [...]

Useless Items Via Walmart

*Updated*

While I had been offered the loan of an air mattress by a friend last month, since I do not like to borrow items that could get either trashed or stolen should someone come across my camp and as I cannot afford to be responsible in replacing them, I declined the kind and generous offer. In addition, I also informed the person that it would also be more weight to have to carry and quite possible yet another load on top of the two full loads that I have to trek back and forth whenever there is a need to set up, take down or move the camp site and it was already too much of a burden on me to do so.

Although I could not really afford to buy them and will be even deeper in a financial hole due to doing so as well as the fact that it would as noted above more weight to carry when having to move camp, because I have sorely needed to do something to help ease the major discomfort and pain experienced of sleeping on the floor of my tent in the woods with only a useless and poor quality sleeping pad purchased at Walmart for nearly $13.00 last month underneath my aching body, early last night I went back there and spent $23.00 for a very cheap and basic twin inflatable air mattress as well as a hand air pump — each item ran close to $11.00 before taxes — both sold separately and made under the name of Coleman.

The truth is that I have grown rather desperate in the hopes of getting better sleep and to not have to be so achy and fruitlessly rolling around all night in an effort to get comfortable, not to mention what it is doing to the state of my health and well being. Plus I cannot afford the prices I would have to pay to buy like items elsewhere.

Pleased that I might finally get a better quality sleep than has been the case since I started camping out last month, I returned to my camp and quickly went about trying to inflate the mattress. Come to find out that the one small part that one is supposed to use with the pump in order to inflate the mattress, both of which should of course be compatible, was not the right size: i.e., it was too large to fit into the hole to inflate the mattress.

One potential clue something was wrong was the fact when I grabbed the unopened boxed items off the shelves there were one of each of the same boxed items that had been opened and, I assumed were also returned for which I can only guess why.

There was even a piece of paper in the box for the pump that stated something along the lines that the item was not to be returned to the store of purchase stating how one should call a certain toll free number instead. Forget that, I am returning both items right away and I hope they give my money back without any problems as I need it and really should not have spent it in the first place. All of which means I have to go back to my camp late this afternoon, pick up the items and lug them back to Walmart and then return to camp for the night again, none of which will take just a small amount of effort or time on my part either.

One would think whomever makes the item for Coleman, if they could take the time to put a piece of paper in the box figuring it might have to be returned since maybe there have been problems in these regards, they should have the proper quality control in place to pick up on the problem and not ship the items out the door without ensuring the correct part was in the box to allow the two items to be compatible so the pump would fit and work. Having worked in quality control for various forms of manufacturing, I know this is not rocket science, is easy enough to do and also simply makes sense from every angle.

What I truly need of course is real, safe, decent and affordable housing, yet cannot afford that either and, it is a sure thing that neither Walmart or anyone else can help me in a meaningful manner with getting such any time soon as well.

Go figure!

*Update*: Made it up to Walmart early yesterday evening and managed to get a cash refund after returning the items purchased the night before. Tried to explain the problem to the person at the desk, but do not think they were listening or cared, which means others will be put through the same exact thing since they will simply reshelve the items I returned as well as the fact that most likely the other unopened boxes of the same product have the identical flaw.

*Note*: made several, mostly minor, edits for the purposes of clarification and readability; added an update; last updated on Thursday, July 17, 2008 at 11:14 AM.

Housing Dreams?

Sometimes, including recently, I have been asked that if possible to acquire, what type of housing would I like?

Something along the lines of a Katrina Cottage have caught my interest a while ago when they first came to my attention.

In fact, although I had been aware of these cottages well before, earlier this year they were featured on Vermont Public Radio (VPR) during an episode aired concerning the need for affordable, efficient housing, here (click onto either the Listen or MP3 button(s) within the right-hand sidebar to hear the archived audio of the broadcast; Tuesday, February 12, 2008).

Seven Days also published an article about these matters as well, here (Wednesday, February 13, 2008).

As I understand it, these cottages were initially conceptualized and designed for victims of the Katrina Hurricane disaster, etc.

This type of housing might work for those who need it of various incomes and, also having them in different sizes — particularly families of course, at least if there were land available to put Katrina Cottages type of housing up on.

Yet, such cottages would of course have to be ones built and equipped to meet the needs of the long, cold, hard Winters of places like the Northeast in order to make such work within this region.

It would be even better if the cottages could be owned by those living there, possibly with the land held in public trust via a land trust or whatever, thus keeping costs lower and then with the owner only being able to sell the cottage for only so much depending on circumstances if they move and sell, etc.

It is just one of the dreams I have.